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Jokes about Marriage - 1

Here is our selection of jokes about marriage and married life.
This is page 1 of 4.

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A married man should always try to forget his mistakes.
After all, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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After being away on a long business trip, Dave thought it would be nice to buy a little present for his wife. The cosmetics lady showed him a $50.00 bottle of perfume. "That's too expensive," said Dave, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still rather a lot," he complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. Tim shook his head and said, "I'd like to see something really cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
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A wife woke up her husband in the middle of the night and told him, "I think there is a burglar in the house. Wake up."
But her husband refused to go downstairs to investigate.
Wife: "Why are you scared? I thought you were really brave when you married me"
Husband: "Well yes, that's what my friends said too."
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A young recently married couple drove several miles down a country road without saying a word to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
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My wife used to have an hourglass figure, but the sand shifted!
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There is only one time when my wife listens to what I say and that's when I'm asleep.
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Bigamy is one wife too many.
Monogamy is the same thing.
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Why a man would want to marry one wife is a mystery.
Marrying two is a bigamystery.
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My wife's a terrific housekeeper. I dirty a plate, she washes it immediately. I'm ready to drop a cigar ash on the floor, she has it picked up before it even drops. The other night, I got up at three a.m. to get a glass of juice. When I came back, the bed already had been made.
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After suffering through years of his wife's awful coffee, the man spat it out and took the coffee maker to his lawyer. Dropping it on the attorney's desk, the man growled, "Here they are!"
"Here are what?" the startled lawyer asked.
"Grounds for Divorce."

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