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Police Jokes - 1

Here is our selection of jokes about the police.
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Detective: So how did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered a newspaper ad that said, "Make money at home."
Did you hear what happened when the police arrested a hamburger?
They grilled him.
A man went to the police station demanding to speak with the burglar who had broken into his home the previous night.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, you don't understand," said the man. "I just want to ask him how he got into the house in the middle of the night without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Things you should NOT say to a traffic cop.
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doing at least 125 mph to keep up with me. Well done!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
7. I pay your salary!
8. Gee Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
9. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
10. When the Officer says "Gee Son...Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably should not respond with, "Gee Officer...Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness. "Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander.
"We certainly did."
"And he said, `Yes, dear, you're right,' and dozed off!"
A rookie cop was on his first day in a patrol car. The sergeant had teamed him up with a more experienced officer. After a quiet hour, a call came through asking them to disperse a group of people who were loitering on the corner of a street.
"I'll handle this," said the rookie excitedly. So when they got to the street and saw a small crowd on a corner, he leapt out of the car and yelled: "OK, move along now. Haven't you got homes to go to?" The crowd were reluctant to disperse, so he repeated the command: "Come on now, move on." Puzzled, they slowly drifted off in different directions.
The rookie climbed back into the patrol car. "Not bad, huh?" he said proudly to his partner.
"Yeah, you did OK. Pity it was a bus stop."
Policeman: Can you give me a description of your missing cashier?
Bank Manager: He's about six foot tall and 150,000 short.
Ten thousand bars of soap have been stolen from a warehouse.
Police say that the thieves made a clean getaway.
A policeman make the mistake of arresting a judge who went to a fancy dress party dressed as a convict.
It just shows that you should not book a judge by his cover.
an idiot was picked up by the police on an assault charge. He was placed in an identity lineup with ten other men and the accusing woman was escorted into the room.
The idiot jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! I'd recognize her anywhere!"

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